Devotional.
I was chatting to Theo (4) in bed the other night before saying goodnight and he asked me, "If God is so big, how does He fit in our hearts?"
He's been asking a lot about how big God is lately. This was the next step. If God is that big, and a heart is that small, it doesn't add up.
I wasn't really sure how to answer that one. I said something along the lines of God's love is what lives in your heart, and love can fit anywhere.
His questions are good, though. How does God actually fit in our hearts?
How did God just speak and the world was created?
How is God everywhere and outside of time?
Good questions for a four-year-old to ask.
But a bedtime question about God's size and how He created things isn't quite the same as the questions that we as adults tend to ask.
Why did God heal one person and not the other?
Why did they die so young?
Why are my prayers not answered?
Good questions for anyone to ask.
Very often, the answer doesn't come. Or something comes that sounds true but still doesn't help.
Being told "it's God's will" or "it's part of God's plan" doesn't help much when what's happened seems to go against His promises.
It makes no sense.
When nothing makes sense, I want God to explain Himself. What He gives instead, in Psalm 62:8, is somewhere to take the question.
"Trust in Him at all times, you people. Pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us."
It doesn't say trust Him once it all makes sense. It says at all times, including the times when nothing does.
And it doesn't ask me to understand. It asks me to pour out my heart. Not tidy it first. Empty it, confusion included.
So today, if you're worn out by questions that don't make sense, you don't have to answer them before you bring them to God.
Theo wanted to know how God could fit in a heart. This verse doesn't answer that. It tells us to do something simpler: pour our hearts out to Him.
You may not get the answer you're looking for.
But you'll find a refuge.
Prayer.
Lord, help me make sense of what makes no sense, the confusion, the questions without answers, the circumstances that don't fit into any explanation I can find.
I keep searching for reasons, trying to piece together why this is happening, wanting the logic to line up, but some things just don't resolve no matter how long I turn them over.
Teach me that I don't need to understand everything to trust You, that confusion doesn't mean You've lost control, that what's senseless to me isn't senseless to You.
I want clarity so badly, an explanation that would finally let me breathe, but instead I'm left with questions and a God who hasn't yet given me the answers I'm looking for.
Help me stop demanding to understand before I'll trust, to release my grip on needing it all to make sense, to find peace even while the confusion remains.
Remind me that faith has never required full comprehension, that some things are simply beyond what I'm meant to grasp right now, maybe ever.
Give me rest in the not-knowing, strength to keep going without answers, trust that You're holding what I cannot make sense of even as I keep wrestling with it.
Let me bring my confusion to You today, Lord, help me make sense of what makes no sense, and where I can't find answers, help me find peace instead.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
